Karen The Fraudulent

Born on the small, predominantly agrarian and mining centric planet Toupee somewhere in the vicinity of Beetlejuice, young Valknar spent her formative years shuttling ore and other minerals from the Galium-Arsenide Mines of Ursa Major to nearby spaceports. Galactic Free Trade and Equality Statutes (or GFTES /gaff-tys/) had not yet been ratified by the Imperial Senate, so Valknar had little recourse against the often predatory pricing of large commodities traders. Like so many dispirited young Toupeebians, she found her small business startup was struggling against the mega-giants of corporate finance, but she worked tirelessly to ensure delivery of her ore. This, of course, was not to be, and it was not long before Valknar was coaxed into smuggling operations for the Rebellion. Dodging danger at every turn, and leaping to hyperspace quite frequently without clearance from the Inter-spacial Transit Authority. Eventually, she lost her license to fly, and her business met the same end that all small startups around the galaxy meet when economies of scale outstrip the benefits of local businesses, and she burned it to the ground to cash in a sizable and suspicious insurance policy.

This would mark the beginning of a string of insurance scandals that would follow Valknar across the universe, the most notable of which was of course, in December 5194, when Valknar convinced a confused insurance salesman to insure an entire planet, which shortly thereafter, was consumed suddenly by a supernova sun. To this day Valknar is banned from owning insurance policies on any civilized planets in the known galaxy, and remains similarly the most heavily reimbursed policy-holder of all time.

It is at this point in our story that Earth enters the picture. A relatively insignificant planet at the outer fringes of the galaxy, had never made any attempt to join the Galactic Consortium for Trade, or send any delegations to the Imperial Senate, despite having been visited several times. It was for this reason that Earth's inhabitants had been left undisturbed for more or less 10,000 years to continue chasing after large furry mammals with tusks. All except for one shady character with whom Valknar was well acquainted. Her long time fiancée and fellow smuggler during the early days of the rebellion, Jeff, had for some time been attempting to rile up the creatures of Earth by drawing doodles in corn fields and abducting farm animals. So far, his attempts to communicate had been unsuccessful, but in so doing, he had discovered that the miracle of insurance had come to the poeples of Earth, who by a happy coincidence are identical to Toupeebians with the notable exception that they do not wobble from side to side when they walk.

The opportunity was too good to pass up, Karen (as Valknar translates to in English) settled in Phoenix, which her slightly misinformed friend had related to be the insurance capital of the world. This confusion led to a distancing between the two that has seen no end. Karen continues to arrange hail storms and the like to remain well cared for by insurance companies, and can be found biding her time until the next shuttle comes, here.